“The philosopher Diogenes was eating bread and lentils for supper. He was seen by the philosopher Aristippus, who lived comfortably by flattering the king. Said Aristippus, ‘If you would learn to be
subservient to the king, you would not have to live on lentils.’

Said Diogenes, ‘Learn to live on lentils, and you will not have to be subservient to the king.’ ” – from “The Song of the Bird” by Anthony de Mello

I’m sure you wanted to know

For grins I took an online narcissist test, I scored a 23, which frankly surprised me.

“Your Total: 23

Between 12 and 15 is average.
Celebrities often score closer to 18.
Narcissists score over 20.”

The breakdown:

Narcissistic Trait
Authority: 6.00
Self-Sufficiency: 6.00
Superiority: 4.00
Exhibitionism: 2.00
Exploitativeness: 2.00
Vanity: 2.00
Entitlement: 1.0

So, even though I’m hardly vain, I don’t preen, nor do I act entitled, however I’m self confident and understand authority, I’m a narcissist.

Fine, but does this mean I’m also famous? Because I’ll start twittering my future locations so I can sign autographs!

But let’s dig a little deeper by looking the symptoms.

* Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

Nonsense, my superiority has been objectively confirmed numerous times throughout my career and even in my younger days with testing at school.

* Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

I have no idea how this fits in, I’m cognizant that since I am mortal, there are limits that I will never be able to surpass, so why fantasize about them being unlimited? Besides, I’m too busy making things happen.

* Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

Water seeks it’s own level.

* Requires excessive admiration

Define ‘excessive’. But no.

* Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

Ha! I get the respect I earn.

* Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

Nonsense. Now go wash my car. And change the oil, I’m busy.

* Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

Mostly because your tiny, insignificant life bores me. I do wonder how they determine this, I try not to be offensive or rude, but neither am I changing my life to suit someone’s mood.

* Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

“Envy”? Why would I be envious of others? Their lives are theirs, earned or no, and best of luck to them. Admiration of someone else’s successes or achievements isn’t envy.

* Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Yes, well, that’s on the money. But I don’t think that is enough to peg me as a narcissist.

So there it is in a nutshell, I’ve got a personality disorder I didn’t even realize I had! And now I know what areas I need to improve, I really need to learn how to exploit people and show off more. I bet with dedication and work, I can raise my school by at least another 4 points.